The Storm Before The Calm

A Blog Post about fear and anxiety before finding peace.

The storm before the calm.

I know we’re all more familiar with this phrase flipped around: the calm before the storm. But I think that sometimes, it’s the opposite. To me, the phrase is better reversed, transposed, flipped. Sometimes I think life is most scary and painful and difficult and heartbreaking right before something absolutely amazing happens.

You know something really great is on the horizon, but that doesn’t mean you don’t grieve what you’re leaving behind. The time before you meet the next incredible chapter of your life is often overwhelmed by tears, fear, and resistance. You know the next page has beautiful words, but want to linger on the black and white in front of you just a little longer.

Trust me, I get it. Take our recent move to Texas, for example. I knew Texas would provide many unbeatable opportunities for us. I knew it would be a time of growth for our marriage. I knew that it would be an adventure that we will cherish for a lifetime. We had prayed for months and months and felt like God really wanted us in Texas. Still yet, the days before the move were dark and cloudy. Tears came like fat raindrops and I couldn’t always stop them. I was scared and anxious, my stomach was in knots. The storm before the calm.

I find comfort knowing that I’m not the only one who has experienced the storm before the calm. In fact, it’s something my friend Jesus and His disciples experienced in real life.


“And when they had sent away the multitude, they took him even as he was in the ship. And there were also with him other little ships. And there arose a great storm of wind, and the waves beat into the ship, so that it was now full. And he was in the hinder part of the ship, asleep on a pillow: and they awake him, and say unto him, Master, carest thou not that we perish? And he arose, and rebuked the wind, and said unto the sea, Peace, be still. And the wind ceased, and there was a great calm. And he said unto them, Why are ye so fearful? how is it that ye have no faith? And they feared exceedingly, and said one to another, What manner of man is this, that even the wind and the sea obey him?
-Mark 4:36-41

The Bible says the disciples were terrified. They thought for sure they were going to drown. Sweet friend, has your storm made you believe that you’re drowning? I know there have been recent times that mine has made me feel like I couldn’t get my head above water. But Jesus, sweet, perfect, almighty Jesus, can calm that storm and the wind will obey Him.

The thing about that story that I never realized growing up hearing it in Sunday School, is that Jesus didn’t just come to the disciples and calm the storm right away. He could have. Although He was sleeping, He knew it was storming. He knew they were fearful. He knows everything. But He waited for them to come to Him. What would the disciples have learned if they hadn’t come forward and asked for His help? But because He let them come to Him and ask for His help, the disciples learned the power of the storm before the calm. Maybe He’s hoping we’ll learn the same thing.

Now that I’ve flip-flopped that old adage around, I can see about a hundred more circumstances in my life that have been the same way. Human nature resists change, our brains are literally wired to want things to stay put. Sometimes amazing things come our way, but we still have a hard time letting go of what we know and what we’re accustomed to. Friend, it’s okay to grieve that loss. I promise.

Maybe it’s a big thing in your life that has caused a storm. Or maybe it’s a little thing. I’m not judging, cause I’ve wept over the small stuff myself, so you’re in a safe place here. And each and every day, I still have storms before the calm. But I do find hope in one of David’s beautiful psalms. “…weeping may endure for a night, but joy cometh in the morning.” Psalms 30:5.

There have been times that the storm loomed over me so badly that I woke up and the joy hadn’t arrived yet. Wanna know what I did? Went back to sleep. Friend, with patience, persistence, and prayer the storm will calm, even when it feels like it won’t. And when you just can’t shake those storm clouds, remember that rain makes the flowers grow. There’s a reason the weatherman hasn’t lifted that storm warning quite yet. I have to believe that. Maybe He’s just waiting for you to ask Him to.

Friend, are you struggling through a storm right now? Waiting for your own calm to show up? I get it. I’m right there with you. Let’s weather it together. You can stand under my umbrella (-ella, -ella). 


“And he arose, and rebuked the wind, and said unto the sea, Peace, be still. And the wind ceased, and there was a great calm.” – Mark 4:39

Love,

3 Reasons I’m Afraid to Graduate & 3 Reasons I’m not

Last week was my last week of Nursing School! I know what you’re thinking, how is that even possible? The last two years have gone by so quickly! And while it was difficult, it was also really fun, rewarding, and a time in my life that is so special to my heart. However, with Graduation quickly approaching, my heart as found some new anxieties to latch on to and keep me up at night.

graduation fears

1- I’ve never not been a student. When you’re a student, you’re a “pretend adult”. Sure you still have bills, and a job, but because you’re in school everyone knows you’re still in the process of getting your life together. To me, there’s something comforting about this stage of life. All I’ve ever known is textbooks, homework, and deadlines. I won’t know what to do with the extra time and loss of structure. I don’t do well with change, so it’s scary for me to completely close one chapter of my life to begin another. There is comfort in the schedule that I’ve become accustomed to. Graduation feels like I’m stepping out of my comfort zone and into a new skin.

2- Boards. I don’t care what profession you’re in, boards are scary. The test that determines if you’re allowed to start your career. It’s intimidating and terrifying. When I think about taking the NCLEX, doubt haunts me. What if I go into the test and forget everything? What if all my friends pass and I fail? What if all my questions are select all that apply? What if it takes me 6 hours to take the exam? What it? What it? What if? This is the test we’ve been talking about  for the past two years. Facing it seems like a giant quest to destroy the ring or preparing to defeat he who shall not be named. To me, it’s the stuff that nightmares are made of.

3- New independence. For the past two years, I’ve had my teachers to depend on. I had them to answer my questions, ease my fears, and clarify information. If I needed an extra hand, I had a classmate nearby.. Graduation means this source of help is pushing me out of the nest and waiting to see if I fly or fall. The past two years, my care plans have been graded, graduation means my care plans will no longer be marked up in red ink, but patient outcomes will matter even more. I’m afraid of the independence that graduation brings, because what if I’m not ready?

But thankfully, for all the reasons I am afraid to graduate, I’m equipped with a reason not to be afraid.

1- “For God hath not given us a spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.” 2 Timothy 1:7

As scary as it is for me to close this chapter and move to a new one, my God didn’t give me a spirit of fear. Instead, He grants me power and love! Though change is a fearful process for me to go through, the same power that rose Jesus from the grave lives inside of me. With that kind of boldness inside of me, there is no room for me to be timid.

2- “Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths.”

Growing up, if I was ever nervous about a test, Mom and Dad would tell me “If you do your part and study, you can trust that The Lord will do the rest.” The same is true with the NCLEX. I know I don’t have to be afraid of it, because I’ve spent the last 2 years  preparing for it and I’ll spend the next few weeks studying my guts out. I know if I do my part by studying, the Lord will do his part by calming my nerves and opening my mind for the knowledge I need.

3- “Fear thou not; for I am with thee: be not dismayed; for I am thy God: I will strengthen thee; yea, I will help thee; yea, I will uphold thee with the right hand of my righteousness.” Isaiah 41:10

Thankfully, The Lord comes with us wherever we go. This means He was with me at school, in clinical, in my car, in my home, at work, and everywhere else I’ve been. (Although those have been my big hang out spots during Nursing School, in case you were wondering) This also means that when I begin my career, Our God will be with me in each shift, each medication pass, each phone call to the physician, each code, each abnormal lab value, and everywhere in between. Because He goes with me, I don’t have to be fearful.

Fellow graduates, regardless what your career is, I pray that your own fears can be squashed by the Word of God. I pray that you feel proud of yourself and see the beauty of your accomplishment and I pray that your achievement reflects the goodness of Our Lord.

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“There is no fear in love; but perfect love casteth out fear…” 1 John 4:18

What are your graduation related fears? How are you overcoming them?

Love,

cassie